I recently listened to a podcast by Janie Travers, and she suggested that when you feel you have lost your mojo go back to the basics of what lead you into counselling in the first place.
Now, I wouldn’t exactly say I had lost my mojo, and feel just as passionate about counselling now as I did when I dauntedly started my counselling journey four years ago. But, nevertheless, the thought remained-why counselling. I feel like this is a really good opportunity for me to introduce myself and give you a flavour of what makes me tick, both as a person and as a counsellor.
I guess you could say, I started my therapy journey in counselling room itself. As a client. I forget when exactly I had my first counselling session, but I feel like I was probably around 16, and it was the first of many. Without boring you with the intricate details, I have had personal therapy with at least three counsellors within the NHS, done several rounds of group therapy within the NHS and also paid for my own therapy with two different therapists (one of which included EMDR therapy).
The impact that this therapy has had on my life is indescribable and has been invaluable. It helped me to reclaim my self, my independence and my ability to be in relationships with others. For me, simply having therapy wasn’t enough. I knew from around the age of 18 that I wanted to be in the other chair, to help to facilitate the change in others and to assist them to feel empowered to reclaim their lives on their own terms.
I didn’t really know how to go about getting from one chair to the other, but one thing I did know was that I wasn’t ready to do it at the age of 18. I ended up going to University and studying something else entirely; Archaeology! I found that over the course of my study there was a really deep urge within me to find out how societies worked, and just how people fit into them. I ended up writing my dissertation on the role of tattooing in the construction of personhood in prehistoric cultures. So I had found other strands to this interest in how people work; how has society and people’s role within it changed over time, and how do people who are visibly different fit into this whole scheme.
It’s interesting to think that today tattoos and piercings are again popular, but there was a time even in recent history that they were the mark of being outside of the mainstream and thought of as somehow dangerous. I, myself, have an extensive collection of tattoos and piercings, and to me my body would not be my body without them. The trouble being ‘other’ though, means that it can be difficult to fit into more corporate roles because your face literally doesn’t fit in.
As I have gone through my twenties and thirties, it has been a source of constant annoyance and confusion to me that people’s abilities are still judged based upon how they look and present themselves. This does not fit into my world view in the slightest.
As I continued my professional life after university, I flirted with the idea of being a social worker, but this didn’t seem to be the exact fit I was looking for, and ended up working with adults with learning disabilities. Now, I did find my glass slipper!! Working with this group has enabled me to really hone skills, that although I have always considered them strengths, have been described less favourably by corporate employers.
What are these skills? Empathy, emotional intelligence, humour, and ability to be different and accept and celebrate the difference in others as part of a colourful and vibrant world.
My world was rocked by some profoundly life changing events in my late twenties, and this forced me to really look at what was important to me. What was I actually looking for in life in terms of long term career goals, and emotional well-being. I knew I loved my job as a support worker, but there was still a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that there was something else that I needed to be doing.
When I started my counselling training, I was tentative so dipped my toe into the training pool with a Level 3 diploma. I loved it immediately, and started my Level 4 as soon as I could after completing my Level 3. It felt as if something had clicked. That those skills I had, being in tune emotionally, were perfect for counselling.
As I continued along my path, and started working with clients in a secondary school and later at the University of Plymouth with students, it continued to just feel right.
I felt a certain synchronicity with my clients, that as I allowed myself to sit beside them and share their worlds, it occurred to me that this was an utter privilege. My position was not one of problem solver, but instead of a trail guide. To stand beside someone in a time of need, and to offer to help lighten the load by shedding things that people were carrying that they didn’t need to.
I always enjoy meeting a client for the first time, to get to know them as a person, to see the change when they start to clear issues that they may have carried for a long time. The most important thing to me is seeing the change, to assist people to move on. That I am making a difference on a deeply personal level; it’s not about making a big company more money, its about helping someone to find their way back to themselves. That to me is true job satisfaction, and is very much an extension of the support work that I have done for the last decade where I have worked along side people to help them live the lives that they want to in a way that they choose.
So why counselling? I guess the simple answer is this; to use my abilities to their maximum potential, to change the world on an individual level, and to have the experience of getting to know people; regardless of who they are, what they look like, what they do, and any life experiences they may be troubled by.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-68600388
There has been an explosion of requests for assessments for ADHD and Autism, The length of current waiting lists for children, adolescents and adults is, no secret, beyond long. Some people wait over two years from the assessment request until they see a professional for their assessment.
I too am on that waiting list to be assessed for ADHD, although I also have my suspicions about Autism. It has been a long time coming, realising that for all the difficulties I experienced as a teen and young adult, and to some extent today, might have been an indication that something else was going on. It has been suggested that being neurodivergent is now ‘trendy’, but I would counter that it's more to the point that awareness is so much better allowing people more knowledge in which to approach their own mental health and potential neurodivergence. I went through my teens with a diagnosis of generalised anxiety and social anxiety disorders, which were both greatly stigmatising and altered my experience of belonging as a teen hugely. I felt that I was different to everyone else, and everyone else knew this. I felt somehow socially unacceptable, that I just didn’t fit in beyond the realms of what was usual for someone that age. I also had the complication of being a survivor of childhood abuse, which I feel now may have masked some of the traits of neurodivergence that have persisted into adulthood.
My mum agreed to take me to the doctor around the age of 14 and I was put on Fluoxetine (Prozac) at the lowest dose. My anxiety levels did not improve. I was not offered any therapy until around the age of 16, and by this point the anxiety was markedly worse. These problems continued into college and culminated in a very difficult university period. By the time that I emerged from university at age 23, having had two gap years due to mental health difficulties, I had firmly entrenched anxiety disorders and clinical depression.
I then set to the task of doing the therapy to recover from the pit I found myself in. This included level two and three cognitive behaviour therapy for self-esteem and generalised anxiety disorder and social anxiety, SAGE group for sexual abuse, individual counselling, and group therapy. Was I better? Mostly, a lot of the difficult things that I had dealt with seemed a lot less heavy. However, I still had traits that were out of the ‘norm’. I did a course of EMDR therapy for trauma a few years ago, which cleared the feelings, but the niggling traits remained.
These neurodivergent traits have made things incredibly challenging over the years. The brain fog, distractability, executive dysfunction, sensory sensitivity and social difficulties, and rejection sensitivity to name a few. So last year I asked my doctor to refer me for an assessment for ADHD, when the doctor not only believed me but made the referral immediately, I cried with joy. I had only a couple of years before that been dismissed by a doctor when I suggested my concerns could be ADHD only to be told that ‘it would have been picked up by now’ (at the time I was probably around 36).
Yesterday I was struck by how familiar Emily Katy’s story was. It certainly rang a lot of bells with me, but also was massively reminiscent of the experiences that I hear repeated to me by a lot of young people in my work as a mental health youth worker.
Emily Katy recalls in the article how she always felt different. I am sure that this feels painfully true for many of you reading this. Emily was six when she first recalled feeling this way; myself, I couldn’t be completely certain, but I would probably say when I started primary school and was struck by my difference to my peers. Reflecting on this when I was a bit older, I always thought it was because I didn’t go to nursery school or playgroup. Now viewing this older again, I wonder if there was more to it than that.
I work as both a registered counsellor and mental health youth worker, and am continually struck by reflections of my own experiences when I was the same age as the young person that I am supporting. Being able to see these reflections is so informative for me as a practitioner. Now, I am not always saying that the reason a young person is struggling is because they have undiagnosed neurodivergence, this would be unrealistic. However a lot of the teenage experience overlaps with the neurodivergent traits due to the neurological development that occurs in adolescence….
Difficulty in socialising and finding your group socially.
Not always understanding social cues.
Sensitivity to bodily changes.
Concerns about how one is perceived by others.
Rigid thinking patterns.
I would say that these are common to both groups, however most importantly can be excruciating to those who are Neurodivergent as it is puberty on steroids. These traits are some of the things that I love most about working with young people, seeing glimmers of who these young people will end up as in adulthood. I love to celebrate and embrace the difference, and encourage these young people to see that whilst Neurodivergence is often misunderstood by others (as teenagers in general frequently are), these differences are also sources of creative thinking, trailblazing for change, and literally the future. So often teenagers are dismissed as badly behaved, disruptive and troublesome. Neurodivergent people are also often dismissed as being awkward, disruptive and unable to integrate.
As a therapist, these people are my tribe, they are who I feel the deepest empathy for. They are reflections of my own experience. I also hold with great regard the privilege that I have in holding hope and space for these developing minds, Neurodivergent and Neurotypical alike and helping them to find a path through difficulty to their futures.
Emily Katy has a blog called Authentically Emily and a book called Girl Unmasked: How Uncovering My Autism Saved My Life.
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